Do you have a consistent plan?

Many of us practice popcorn prayers…please keep Johnny safe today (Pop!)…Help Susie to pass her spelling test (Pop!).

Nothing wrong with these.

Maybe you are more specific…more intentional…that’s great.

Here’s a nine-year plan you can adopt, if you choose, that you can use as your foundation of prayer for your children…a supplement to your prayers…or The prayer you pray for them.

The Fruits of the Spirit, as described by the apostle Paul, in Galatians 5:22 are:

1. Love
2. Joy
3. Peace
4. Patience
5. Kindness
6. Goodness
7. Faithfulness
8. Gentleness
9. Self-Control

Whether you are a Christian, Jew, Muslim, atheist, or not sure…who wouldn’t want these virtues for their children?

So I recommend, praying for your children every day.

And praying every day for one of these virtues every day for a year.

For example, if this is the year of Love, pray that your children will know love throughout their lives.

Pray that they will always know their loved.

Pray that they will experience real love in their lives and develop a great capacity for expressing love.

You may pray that God will love your children through you.

Tell them that you are praying every day for them to cultivate the virtue of  love.

With this virtue top of mind…how creative can you be finding examples of love all year long?

Ask them to find examples.

Create a Love Log of examples.

Let your mind run wild…I should say pray that God will be very creative through you in this endeavor.

Don’t forget to ask God to help make this year special for your whole family.

And after nine years…you can always start over?

One phrase that permeates most marketing discussion is “brand building”.

For many products or companies their brand is everything.

It is their identity…their reputation…what we customers know and trust.

Does your family have a brand?

Or is it generic?

I think our families should develop a strong brand…first and foremost in the minds of our children and ourselves.

Why?

Because a family brand builds security in your children.

It builds confidence.

It builds a family identity. It is a huge part of their identity…especially in the early years.

Complete this sentence: Our family is ______________.

What do you want your children to say about your family?

Fun…happy…great…loving…caring…

Put another way…how is your family different?

Would your children rather be part of your family than any other?

Supplemental to this thinking…what is your brand as a Dad?

How would your kids complete this sentence: “My dad is__________________!”

We’ll discuss this again.

That thing you do together…just the two of you…that makes those times extra special.

It’s a reason to get together…a date if you will…it will be a great opportunity to etch indelible memories into their soul and yours.

You can have more than one niche.

Your niche can change as circumstances change and as they mature or change.

Some examples:

Daughter Number Four is away at college. She isn’t far and we see each other often.

We have several TV shows that we like to watch together. We record them on our DVR and when she comes home we hang out and catch up.

We also have favorite treats we like to munch on while watching TV and sometimes we surprise each other with our favorite treats or we run to the store together to stock up, and that’s part of the niche.

Daughter Three likes to run marathons and 5K races.

I took up power walking in 5K’s and sometimes pushing Ten and Eleven in our double jogger. Now participating in 5K’s is our thing.

Four started joining me in 5K’s so that is another nich we share together.

I might add, be very careful allowing siblings to join in your special niche. Fortunately I know the family chemistry and Three and Four get along.

Nine likes to help me make special breakfasts that she requests. This is one of our niches. She also likes to have snowball fights every time it snows and go sledding.

I could go on but I’d just be showing my home movies.

Go make some memories with your kids of any age.

We have two high school students with plans for studying from Friday evening through Monday evening.

That’s not good enough.

They need to know how to budget their time.

It is easy, but they need some encouragement.

Imagine studying for three plus days at age 16.

Help them by making a studying schedule.

Give them a sheet of paper for each day, divided by the number of hours they will be awake.

Build in meals and breaks.

How much can they handle at one sitting?  An hour? Forty-five minutes? Ninety minutes?

It depends on the child.

Allow breaks between bouts of studying. What will they do during those rest periods? Make it fun.

Be sure the plan for meals and chores (if that is your custom). Help them by preparing their favorite snacks and meals.

Reward them at the end of the day with  treat like a movie or some TV time.

One more thing.

Ask them at the start what grades they think they will realistically earn. You can name an award for reaching these grades or going beyond. You know what’s realistic.

Remember – keep them organized. Keep them motivated – make it as much fun as studying for finals can be.

Nine, our six-year-old asked me to make green pancakes for breakfast.

BTW…we’ve made pancakes in a variety of colors.

Barely awake, I slurp my coffee and say, “OK but you’ll have to help.”

These are magic words for a six-year-old.

First she found the pancake mix.

I asked her to read the directions (score points for making this educational!).

She scurried around the kitchen finding milk, butter, bowls, eggs, whisk, spoon, skillet, and measuring cups.

She did a great job with my direction.

She learned quite a bit for one morning.

Like how to read a recipe, how to tell the difference between a one cup measuring cup and a 3/4 cup.

Best of all, we made a memory that would last forever in our minds and hearts.

And here’s the payoff…I think she told me she loved me six times and that I was the best daddy in the world.

Who doesn’t like to hear that?

But more important, it is an easy way to make your child feel loved, significant, secure, comfortable and part of something wonderful called family.

In our family the appropriate response is “I know”.

It started when I was having a snowball fight with my six-year-old daughter (Nine).

It was such a great experience I blurted out. “I love you!”

Her response was, “I know!”

That blew me away.

That one little phrase spoke volumes to me.

Yes, she was confident of my love.

Since then we have adopted that as the family response.

Think about this.

If you are feeling at odds with a family member you might say, “I’m not sure you do…”

This could lead to a discussion why your relationship has hit a pothole.

The alternative…if your usual response is “I love you too” would be “I don’t love you too”.

That’s probably not accurate.

A play on words?

Maybe, however, having your own language goes a long way toward building the family brand.

That’s my sermon.

The make all sorts of hand gestures that are really signals to the base runners and batters.

If the third base coach takes his hat off it may mean stral on the next pitch, to the runner on first.

If he scratches his right ear it meand bunt on the next pitch to the batter.

About 20 years ago I decided our family needed a hand signal too.

We needed a secret sign – a signal – that said, “Do your best – I love you!”

This was reserved for sporting events – up to bat.

It was used at school plays or music recitals.

I observed so many parents mouthing those encouraging phrases or just plain shouting them out in front of God and everybody. Unfortunately they didn’t always achieve that which for which they were intended. They could be embarrassing. Its east to get embarrassed when you are six.

So we developed a secret sign. A gesture, that only a family member would understand.

And, its been passed along to each family member when they approach the important age of six.

I firmly believe that strategies such as these build your family brand in the minds of your children. It is their identity…their family DNA. Something that makes them unique. A feeling of belonging to something very important.

It is and all growing fathers can easily start it.

It is about maintaining relationships through the white water of discipline.

Sometimes things work smoother when your give them you family’s own brand.

How do you do that?

One way is to create your own nomenclature.

Better yet if the branding and naming results out of an encounter.

That’s the genesis of the seat belt principle.

Six and Seven are high school age teenagers (16 and 17 to be exact).

They have cell phones, primarily, for parental communication.

They don’t see it that way.

That’s why we have parental controls.

We control the hours the phones will operate for phone calls or text messaging.

We control the number of text messages they can send and receive each month.

They can always text or call the family.

It is easy to fall into cell phone abuse.

The consequences usually entail loss of the device.

While that solves one problem, it creates another…inability to communicate with the cildren when they are out of the house.

Smart limits provide a win-win scenario.

At least from the parent’s point of view.

Anyway, in a discussion where Six was chaffing over the limits on her phone usage she finally acquiesced, saying, “I guess these limits are like seat belts. They aren’t comfortable but they are there for my protection.”

Eureka!

Now whenever we have a discussion about any type of parental controls I just call “seat belt principle” and everybody understands the logic.

Of course they may not agree…probably won’t agree but it saves a lot of dialogue.

A common trap is really a deflecting move initiated by a child who is being disciplined.

It may sound like, “She did the same thing but you didn’t yell at her!”

Or, “He did it too so why doesn’t he get the same consequences?”

Whine, whine, whine.

The strategy is designed to make you pause. To confuse you. To change the subject.

At best the disciplinary action will be halted.

At the least, your focus will be spread over multiple children and, hopefully (from their point of view) diluted.

DON’T FALL FOR IT.

A restart move I like is to say, “We’re just talking about you now. I”ll deal with her later.”

This is important…refuse to go there again.

If my sixteen-year-old son (Seven) behaves rudely and he tries to trap me when I correct him I say something like this:

“My focus is on your behavior, not whether or not your sister (Six) does the same thing or not”.

“I expect you to behave like a gentleman regardless of what anyone else does…regardless of what precipitated the behavior”.

“I am investing in your character development. It is one of my highest priorities”.

Does it always work? Of course not but I know from experience that they remember it.

The highest form of compliment is hearing your adult children parrot your words of wisdom.

We need to be consistent. They need to hear this about a hundred times before they get it.

And what about the other offender?

Deal with her separately and in the same way.

Here’s the point…we want our children to learn to practice proper behavior. Correcting improper behavior is the goal here. Don’t let them deter you from your mission.

You will also be teaching them to take responsibility for their own actions.

If you have school age children who take their lunch to school then here’s a relationship builder that comes in a brown paper bag.

Take over making their lunch.

You’ll score bonus points with your wife too if this has been her chore up to this point.

So, you may say, “why do I need to build my relationship with my kids?”

Well, besides being their parent you are in competition with their teachers, their friends, the TV shows they watch, and possibly the websites they visit. This is your opportunity to do something your competitors can’t.

And how does making a peanut butter sandwich get me closer to my kids?

Oh, we have out work cut out.

Making a lunch they will rave about involves quite a bit of two-way communication.

What kind of bread do they like? I know from first hand that only those who consume the groceries can do the best job of shopping for them.

I know who only likes fresh, soft white bread.

I know who will accept the double fiber bread that tastes like cardboard but is a friend of your colon.

Do they like creamy or crunchy peanut butter. Know the answer or face a very unhappy child.

What is their choice for jelly…or is it jam…or preserves? There is a difference.

Are they stuck in a grape rut? Here’s an opportunity for you to conduct a taste test on a Saturday afternoon at lunch time. Introduce them to some new flavors. Explain the fine points of jam, jelly, and preserves.

What else goes in the lunch bag?

What is their favorite chip? Cookie? Fruit?

Take it from me, make their lunch and you’ll have a whole different conversation when they come home from school.

You can find more ideas like lunch bag art, notes in the lunch bag, and exotic sandwiches at our sister blog: www.kidschef.wordpress.com